Theatre, theater, or Aussie: theatah

Paul Colman (directly from Australia) likes to talk about the difficulties the letter "R" will (and does) give him.

Well, here's something randomly typed up on my iPod and posted for the enjoyment of all. Come to think of it, if I made shorter posts these things would come more frequently, I have no doubt. Heh, like that'll ever happen, but we'll see.

This last Saturday was Talent Night, it consisted of singing, instrumentals, two cute little girls reciting the books of the Bible, a opera, Crayons Can Melt on Us for All I Care, a radio jumble, and who knows what else. I did tape my brothers and Kale singing The Old Family Toothbrush and I taped my little sister singing Relient K but...they'd hate it if I posted the videos so I won't.

Here is our Radio Jumble taken from some beat up red and brown book of plays and skits.

MAN IN THE ALLEY HOST: And here we are, ladies and gentleman, ready to bring your way another Man in the Alley program. Here is where radio interviews Mr. Average Man in his daily trip down the alley. Would you like to win a ticket for a short stay at Kearney's? Then you too should take a walk down a dark alley and find your Man in the Alley. This program is a special presentation of Keaney's--the store with the professional attitude. And now, here is out first man in the alley. (MAN IN THE ALLEY HOST is now standing near the front rows of audience, singles a man out and says the following:) Would you mind telling us your name, destination, number of children, number of days until your birthday, size of shoestring, favorite dish, and any other pertinent information you would like to tell us? (Holds microphone out to man but doesn't allow him to speak much.) MAN IN THE ALLEY HOST: Thank you, and now (bounds back to the stage) we'll see if we can find someone else in the alley. Ahh, here's a...

SINGER: ...ocean. My bonnie lies over the sea. My bonnie lies over the ocean, oh, bring back my bonnie to...

SPORTS ANNOUNCER: ...McClerken who sailed down the field for a touchdown that tied the game. What a play! What a man! What a perfect...

FASHION ADVERTISEMENT: ...ly darling little summer bag that all you girls simply must have. At first glance they may remind one of...

STORY TELLER: a big bowl of soup. But it was too hot. The second bowl was as hot as the first but the third was just right. Golilocks ate and ate, until she could...

BURPLES: ...feel the stiff beard with your hand. Does that appear to be very romantic? Our foolproof way to get a girl friend is to...

EXCERCISE: ...breathe deeply three times, and pound your chest with the fists after inhaling each breath. This enlivens the tissues and makes one feel...

VEGGIETALES PROGRAM: ...the part of the show were Larry comes out and...

FLIVER PILLS ADVERTISEMENT: Are you weak and undernourished? Do you feel run down when hit by a truck? Do you have that "all out" feeling just before pay day? Have you frequently experienced that grrrrrrrrrrrrinding grrrrrrrrroaning sensation in your innner self? Then you too need to try Marter's Little Fliver Pills. Remember, they do the work of Kalamazoo, but have no Kalamazoo in them. They wake up that vital digestive juice that flows at the astonding rate of three and a quarter miles per hour. To speed up this flow in your subterranean subways situated in the stomach, use Marter's Little Fliver Pills. Reach for the bottle with the little red pills, take one as directed and wait for...

BURPLES: ...old whiskers? If you do, just shave them off with Burples' Better Shaving Cream. Use this cream and you'll be so handsome that all the girls will...

EXCERCISE: ...Lie down on the mats. That's it. Now lift yourself up with your elbows. Now drop, roll over and do two handstands. This is bound to take off excess pounds. Now throw your left leg over your right shoulder making sure your right heel does not get behind your toes. Isn't it simple to reduce? Now gracefully fall to the floor on your face, being careful to get the full rolling motion against your nose. Now...

INDIGESTION COMMERCIAL: ...suffering from indegestion. If you, friend, have acute sorehead, just forget about it. Mother-in-laws really aren't too bad. But if you suffer from indisestion then take a new lease on life with "Nature's Nuture for Nagging Nuisances." "Nature's" is an naturely new remendy. It is so brand-new that it has never been tried. Here is the opportunity to get in on the surprise excitement that will await you. It is no telling just what this preparation is liable to do to you! But remember, Nature spelled sideways is...

SPORTS ANNOUNCER: ...what looked liked crawling things from the press box, but it was only the players in hard scrimmage. We are looking forward with expectations of both these teams winning their conference championships this fall. The players are in good condition and the average weight is...

EXCERCISE: ...110 pounds. You, too, can weigh this much if you but follow these simple exercises. Don't take them too hard at first or you will probably have to...

SINGER: ...Lay on a pillow. Last night as I lay on my bed; last night as I lay on my pillow, I dreamed that my bonnie was...

COOKING SHOW: ...cooking in a hot stove at about 450 degrees Fahrenheit. For an extra treat garnish the dish with cloves or with a...

JIBBER ADVERTISEMENT: ...tall glass of Jibber. Jibber is the drink with the collegiate kick. Our motto is "A Jigger of Jibber stops the Jabber."

SUNDAY FUNNIES: Now get on your tummies and we'll read the funnies. I wonder what kind of mess Pieface is in today? We'll soon see. Pieface turns with his gun and says...

STORY TELLER: ...bears? Will Goldilocks get home safely? How will the story end? Keep your radio tuned to this station until tomorrow at this same time for the next episode of this thrilling story. Until then, kiddies, be sweet and don't forget to...

BURPLES: ...shave off those whiskers with Burples'. Our motto is...

EXCERCISE: ...stand on your head, and wave your feet in the air. Gym clothes are best for these exercises, but...

FASHION ADVERTISEMENT: ..an ostrich feather will do just as well. Take my tip and you girls will be fashionable as...

SPORTS ANNOUNCER: John McGullicuddy, to whom we are looking for great things this season. Until later this is Hubert Gluck signing off and saying...

EVERYONE: Goodbye now!

I played the Sports Announcer (everyone voted I should because I have the deepest voice, haha!) and our version didn't have a "Goodbye now!" at the end, instead the MC got up and kicked us off the stage, telling us our skit was too long and boring.

Othello the Opera from the same book. How Mad I Am is the same tune as Oh Happy Day (which can be found in some hymnals) and Maryland, My Maryland is the same tune as Oh Christmas Tree.

Prologue

ALL/CHORUS: (To tune Long, Long Ago)
Come now and look at our tragical show,
Of Othello and Desdemon.
This play will move e’en your heart of stone,
Poor Othello, poor Desdemon.
They loved each other clear to distraction,
He got so jealous he stopped her heart’s action,
Then stabbed himself to his own satisfaction,
Poor Othello, poor Desdemon.
OTHELLO: I am the villain who lived long ago:
I’m Othello, I’m Othello.
My nasty temper caused my wife lots of woe,
I’m Othello, I’m Othello.
I wish I’d never seen that handkerchief,
It was the thing that caused us all the grief,
I had to kill my poor self for relief,
I’m Othello, I’m Othello.
DESDEMON: I am the heroine who died in disgrace,
I’m Desdemon! I’m Desdemon.
Died with a sofa pillow stuff in my face,
I’m Desdemon! I’m Desdemon!
Othello thought I was playing with men,
Innocent was I, and quite free from that sin,
I loved him truly in spite of his din,
I’m Desdemon, I’m Desdemon.
IAGO: I am Iago, the villain, you know,
I’m Iago, I’m Iago.
Blackguard am I who has caused all the woe,
I’m Iago, I’m Iago.
Oh, how I tortured that man and his wife,
Until he snuffed out the poor lady’s life,
Then turned on himself and inserted a knife,
I’m Iago, I’m Iago.
EMILIA: I am the lady-in-waiting, you see.
Emilia, Emilia.
I saw her this morn at her window,
I saw the red rose in her hair,
I wonder for whom she was watching,
She looked so adorably fair.
(To tune My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)
Take care, take care, she looked so adorably fair, fair, fair,
Take care, take, care, she looked so adorably fair.
Take care, take care, she looked so adorably fair, fair, fair,
Take care, take, care, she looked so adorably fair.
ALL/CHORUS: I think that I saw her give Cassio
A smile as she stood on the stair,
I think that she gave to him also,
The rose that she took from her hair.
Take care, take care, the rose that she took from her hair, hair, hair!
Take care, take care, the rose that she took from her hair.
Take care, take care, the rose that she took from her hair, hair, hair!
Take care, take care, the rose that she took from her hair.
(Exit all.)

Scene I

OTHELLO: (To tune Red River Valley)
Goodbye, darling, I must leave you,
Tho’ it breaks my heart to go,
Something tells me I am needed,
If we’re going to fight the foe.
Here’s a token at the parting,
And to you I’ll e’re be true,
See the ships are in the harbor,
Goodbye, darling, and adieu.
DESDEMON: (To tune Old Black Joe)

I thank you for this handkerchief, my dear,

‘Twill serve to wipe away my grief and tears,

I’ll cherish it with loving care, my dear,

And never lose it, that I promise, have no fear!

(Exit Othello. Desdemon stands forsaken. Enter Emilia.)

EMILIA: (To tune Yankee Doodle)

Othello has gone to sea, but do not feel so badly.

It won’t bring him back to thee to look so glum and sadly,

Othello has gone away, Othello as gone away,

Othello will fight they say,

Until they’ve conquered Turkey.

(Exit all.)

Scene II

(Desdemon enters, looking glum. Enter Othello.)

OTHELLO: (To tune Spanish Cavalier)

I’m home from the wars, from the wars I’ve returned.

To greet my wife Desdemona,

And if I know women: she’s waiting, eyes brimming,

Attired in her nicest silk kimona.

DESDEMON: (To tune Maryland, My Maryland)

You find me waiting here for you; Othello, my Othello,

I’ve loyal been to you, and true; Othello, my Othello.

Since you’ve been gone I’ve been so sad,

This handkerchief was all I had,

To cheer me up when I felt sad; Othello, my Othello.

(Enter Iago.)

IAGO: (To tune My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)

Othello, I’m glad you’ve come home, sir,

It’s time you came back to your wife,

I’d hate for you longer to roam, sir,

Lest it should cause trouble and strife.

Take care, take care, lest it should cause trouble and strife, and strife,

Take care, take care, lest it should cause trouble and strife.

(Exit Iago.)

OTHELLO: (Con’t tune)

My head it is likely to bust, dear,

My head it is likely to break;

If ladies weren’t present I’d cry, dear,

I have such a horrible ache.

DESDEMON: (Con’t)

There, there, there, there,

We’ll wrap it up tight in this handkerchief,

There, there, there, there,

Then maybe it won’t cause you such grief.

OTHELLO: (Speaking.)

Take it away! (Drops handkerchief.)

(Exit Othello and Desdemon. Enter Emilia who finds the handkerchief.)

EMILIA: (To tune Juanita)

Down on the floor here, a nice handkerchief I see,

Sure, ‘tis the same one, that he begged of me.

How oft old Iago bade me steal it when I could,

But I still refused him, I was quite too good.

Found it, yes, I’ve found it,

Finding’s keeping, so they say,

Found it, yes, I’ve found it,

He’ll have it today!

Iago can find it a cinch to use me.

Emilia, Emilia.

I found the handkerchief that will cause all the woe,

For the villain and it will make him glad to the toe,

Little do I guess that my man is bad, tho,

Emilia, Emilia.

(Enter Iago again.)

IAGO: (To tune I’ve Been Working on the Railroad)

I’ve been hunting for this handkerchief,

All the livelong day.

I’ve been wishing I could find it,

Just to prove the things I say.

Now I’ll make Othello jealous,

Cause him grief and pain,

Now, I guess that I’ll have fixed him,

Now he’s with his wife again.

Scene III

(Enter Othello and Desdemon.)

OTHELLO: (To tune Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?)

Oh where, oh where has my bandanna gone,

Oh where have you kept it hid?

DESDEMON: It’s safely stored, and will treasured be,

You know I’m not one to kid.

OTHELLO: I believe, I think that you lie to me,

I think you gave it away.

DESDEMON: Oh, why do you hurt me and cause me woe

I couldn’t; that’s all I can say.

(Exit Desdemon. Othello paces. Enter Iago.)

IAGO: (To tune Did You Ever See a Lassie?)

I have found the handkerchief, handkerchief, handkerchief,

I have found the handkerchief that she gave away.

She tossed it, she waved it, to Cassio she gave it,

Oh, I’ve found the handkerchief that she gave away.

(Exit Iago.)

OTHELLO: (To tune How Dry I Am)

How mad I am, how mad I am,

Nobody knows how mad I am.

(Exit Othello.)

Scene IV

(Enter Desdemon.)

DESDEMON: (To tune Old Black Joe)

Gone are the days when my heart was young and gay,

Gone are my joys, they have fled so far away,

Sadly I sigh for the days of long ago,

I hear his footsteps coming, OTHEL-LO!

He’s coming, he’s coming, and my head is bending low,

I hear his angry footsteps coming, O-THEL-LO!

(Falls asleep on couch. Enter Othello.)

OTHELLO: (To tune Clementine)

Oh my darling, oh my darling,

Oh my darling Desdemon,

You’ll be gone and lost forever,

Dreadful sorry, Desdemon,

Fair thou wert, and like a fairy,

But you played me for a sucker,

You have played upon my heart strings,

Now I’ll make you a harp plucker!

(Smothers her with cushion. Enter Emilia.)

EMILIA: (To tune Juanita, beginning with chorus)

‘Thello, O, Othello, what in the world have you done?

‘Thello, O, Othello, she’s a innocent one!

Over that there kerchief,

What a awful fuss you’ve made,

You got hydrophobia,

When ‘twas just mislaid.

Desdemon dropped it, once when you were cross and mad,

Finding it I gave it, to my husband bad.

Iago, Iago, used it then with wicked art.

Iago, Iago. (He looks in with wicked leer),

What a wretch thou art!

OTHELLO: (To tune Hot Time in the Old Town)

I’ve killed you, I loved you best of all,

In my grief, I’ll stab myself and fall, (Stabs self),

When I’ve gone, bring in the beaers-pall,

There’ll be some funerals in Venice tonight.

(Exit Emilia.)

Epilogue

(Enter Friendly Undertaker.)

FRIENDLY UNDERTAKER: (To tune Old Gray Mare)

This old play it ain’t what it used to be,

Ain’t what it used to be, ain’t what it used to be,

This old play it ain’t what it used to be,

Many long years ago.

(Fire department enters and begins exaggerated CPR.)

FRIENDLY UNDERTAKER: (To tune Yankee Doodle)

For we called the fire department,

Gave first aid to ‘Thello,

On the maiden used 409,

And the grease of elbow.

They were down, and now they’re up,

Toast of all the nation,

Gratitude they give to arti-

Ficial respiration!

(Desdemon and Othello are now revived. Enter Chorus.)

CHORUS: We are the chorus,

We hope you like our show,

We know you’re rootin’ for us

But now we have to go.

(Chorus Skips off stage. Group Bow.)

And our version also featured the Undertaker (Eugenides) singing a song about lover's quarrels being good for business and how everyone should really keep their hot tempers and jealous ways. It was to the tune Way Down Upon the Swany River by what'shisnameStephenFoster.

And aren't you glad you didn't have to suffer through all the mistakes we made and just read the lines instead? The guy who played Othello was a ham! He was a complete idiot, to tell the painful truth. Especially when he smothered Kale (Desdemon) and stabbed himself. Iago was very good as well. A good crew, they have earned my approval.

My older sister is already thinking about what we'll do for our Christmas concert, I say wait until November 21st to think about it, atleast.

We have decided what we're doing for the Easter concert, though, and the next Talent Night. We're doing a play about a undertaker for Easter, it needs a few parts added to it though. There's only three or four and we need, say, ten. As many siblings and friends as possible. And for Talent Night we're doing Sofapillio (have I mentioned it?) a mass murder love triangle. Terrible tragic -- everybody dies again.

And that will be all. Still to come is a discussion on malls and something about music. Yay. (Parting note: Please forgive the clutter-y like qualities in this post. I had copy and pasting difficulties and haven't the time to fix it.)

Currently Listening--
Song: Let It Go
Artist: Newsboys
Album: Take Me To Your Leader