Barnabas: What is your age?
Carolyn: Fifteen.
Barnabas: Fifteen, and no husband? You must put those child-bearing hips to good use. I seek advice on the art of courting a woman of this time.
Carolyn: You obviously mean Vicky.
Barnabas: She has the most fertile birthing hips I've ever set eyes upon.
Carolyn: You're weird.
Birthing hips. Ah. This kind of humor amuses me. A lot.
Barnabas Collins: I have a counter-proposal: you may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!
I didn't get this line until, like, two hours later. I was super confused in the theatre. Explanation, if you need it, this was Barnabas' 18th century way of saying, "I have a counter-proposal: kiss my a--!" Once I got it, it made sense, and I laughed.
The movie was okay. It had minimal blood and nastiness, which I appreciated. It was funny, which I appreciated. The sets were stellar, which I appreciated. The soundtrack was pretty grand too, full of seventies hits. The plot...left me unsatisfied. With questions. The ending left a big old opening for a sequel but I cannot imagine it getting a green light or being very awesome.
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