Doing My Best to be Vague

The problem with having a blog that is read by people you interact with on a regular basis is that you cannot complain about or say nasty things about the people you interact with on a regular basis because the wrong person will happen to read the wrong post and be offended.

We don't want that. Really, we don't.

I am having a most trying day and have a very great urge to blab about it on here. I will try and be very vague about all this so as not to hurt anyone's feelings.
To the Wrong People: go away. You have stumbled upon the Wrong Post, don't come back until I have a better one for you to laugh at.

The main point of this post is: I am weak. You may have noticed this fact before.

Today I have very little strength or energy and feel alike to someone growing several tumors at the same time. Or possibly birthing a hippopotamus. (Haha. I am so witty. Not.) To those of you who witnessed me putting Ewan to sleep this morning or stood close enough for me to breath on you: this is blah, not contagious. You see, I have a weak body, in fact, you do too, admit it.

Other weaknesses include jealousy and insecurity. I'm not sure if it's jealousy because I'm insecure or if I'm insecure because I'm jealous.

Observe:
My neighbor's dog asked Chinaman's dinnerplate out to red herring and the dog went. The neighbor's couch was also friends with the Chinaman's dinnerplate and was hurt by all this. Was the couch not a good friend to the dinnerplate? Did the dinnerplate think the couch wasn't very good company? The couch lived a very sad life from then on out until it was eaten by a dump truck at the couch-age of ninety-three. (Couch ages vary, depending on how many children the couch owner has times the sun it gets divided by other living conditions.)

Was the vague enough? Is anyone offended because I could have just compared them to a Chinaman's dinnerplate? Do Chinamen even have dinnerplates? This is a serious question.

Of course, the couch's remaining life was full of very serious woe because of this very serious red herring. It spent many bitter years pondering if its friends were real friends or were just nice to it because it provided them with a nice place to sit. The couch was very lonely.

This is a very sad story. Have some tissues.

The dog did not marry the Chinaman's dinnerplate because, even in vague, random, nonsensical stories, red herrings merely signify, A Good and Fun Outing with Friend(s).

Atleast, they're not married yet. It would be weird if they did, my palms doth sweat. Moving on.

The dog also had red herring with the couch's friend iPod and my neighbor's dog's friends pine needle and lighthouse. They had an amazing time and that red herring was the straw that broke the couch's back--er--springs.

Still vague? I fear that I am becoming unvague by the minute and that I am only fooling myself and that I can't actually do vague. This is probably all Very Clear and the Wrong People, probably didn't go away even though I commanded so harshly.

See, I am very weak for letting this tom foolery bother me. I am even ashamed that it does. :( <---see, ashamed sad face.

Aye, it is time to be off the internet. Somebody, somewhere, tell me you like me! Tell me I'm a good friend! If you have a little extra time, I'd be happy to know if this post was witty or not. It was fun to right. Anyways, me and my poor self is going to go choke down some food.